On Dying and Reviving: Reflections on a Faith Community

The clock on my dash marked 10:18 AM by the time I pulled into a parking spot at my church. Though it was only three minutes after the start time of our worship service, it was enough for a single piercing thought to pass through my mind—I could just leave.

I didn’t leave that day. I sucked it up, got out of my car, and slipped into the sanctuary under the cover of darkness. (You know the one—when all the lights go down as soon as the slow song starts.) But I could just leave went deeper than I initially realized. The next week, I didn’t even get up for church. The week after that, I was sick. And by the third week, though I had all intention of going to church, I was still sitting in my pajamas at the kitchen table by the time service began. It turns out that I could just leave went beyond attendance on a particular Sunday. It was a thought that seeped into my bones. It was the quiet cry from a desperate soul, yearning for more.

But how did I get here?

It was a sequence of events really. Perhaps I could start with getting hired as a pastor at a university instead of a local church. The plan, since I was 4 years old, was to work in a local church. But now, my biggest contribution to the kingdom of God was taking place outside the walls of a church. That meant that my service at the church was a different kind than what I was used to. I was not a pastor there; I was a lay leader. It came out of my personal time, and it felt like too much.

At first, I was somewhat relieved when responsibilities were given to others and my load was lightened. But I was also hurt. One duty at a time, I was removed from leadership. Now, I wasn’t even a leader. I was just lay. It didn’t come from any ill intention of pastors on staff. I was simply the casualty of streamlining, but I found myself in the tension of wanting to support the direction of our church while personally feeling the pains of getting left off the bus.

What did church even mean when I was no longer contributing?

Now I was only left to consume. But I found no sustenance. I sat in the pews and left emptier than when I came. Though only a few things had changed on the surface, internally I felt like my soul was dying.

So on that third week of skipping church, I knew this wasn’t me. I absolutely love, adore, and believe in the local church. I’ve preached countless messages on its importance, on how it’s impossible to survive as limbs severed from the body. So how in the world did I get to the point of feeling that survival felt impossible if I stayed?

I got out a notebook and started writing. After delineating my internal struggles, I surmised:

Thus, I conclude that the primary impetus for me to attend morning Sunday worship gatherings is cultural expectation. Ironically, that’s enough for me to give in and keep going. It’s not enough, however, to keep my heart engaged.

What does this mean for me now?

I don’t yet know the answer (though I have some inklings), but I am always committed to Christ. To Him I cling. In Him I dwell.

And then, I started dreaming about the kind of church I’d love to be a part of. Unexpectedly, I drew out a house church structure. That had never been the plan, but it had somehow become what my heart craved. I needed interactive discipleship. I needed a place where I truly knew and understood others, and where I was known and understood by them. I wanted a place where my soul could rest and heal.

Over a period of months as God was challenging and changing how I viewed the role of the local church as a covenant, faith community, He also began reconnecting me with old friends who had similar experiences, dreams, and passions. As we met together over meals, shared our lives, and prayed together, it became clear that God was doing something special. Before long, a fledgling little house church was born.

So far, healing has meant rest and unlearning. I’m holding my plans, skills, and training loosely as God invites us simply to be with Him and each other. We have times for silence. We play board games. We worship with song and hear each other sing, and a friend’s young daughter plays toy instruments. And in all of this, my soul is learning to thrive.

It’s been just over a year since December 4, 2016, when I began sketching ideas about the kind of faith community I yearned for, and even in inchoate stages, it’s still better than I ever dreamed.

Surely, the CHURCH really is the hope of the world. The local church just might look a bit different from what I was raised to believe.


Let’s Talk About Race: A Letter to My Pastor

*Note: I first emailed this letter to my pastor on July 12, 2016. After discussing it, he has given me his consent to post the letter here. I have merely omitted any names mentioned from the original.

Dear Pastor _____,

Normally, I wait until Preaching Team to share my reflections on the prior Sunday’s service. This week, however, I want to carefully craft the concern I feel for the following subject, while not having to worry about being heard amongst a large group of voices. So thank you for being accessible enough for me to write you this letter and for having a shepherd’s heart that’s open to hear the cries of your flock.

This Sunday, I felt deeply disturbed that during our pastoral prayer we lifted up the policemen in Dallas who were shot and killed, yet we entirely omitted the two black men who were shot and killed by police in Louisiana and Minnesota. Certainly, we needed to address the murders of the five officers and the wounding of the other six in Dallas. Our silence concerning the racial tension that caused this violence, however, spoke louder than our prayer. The Dallas officers’ deaths did not occur merely because of “lawlessness.” Those men died for the same reason that Alton Sterling and Philando Castile died last week: Racial prejudice plagues the heart of our nation, causing division and enmity amongst our people.

As Christians, we recognize that any behavior or action that attempts to devalue another human being derives from a fallen nature and a sinful disposition. Our Scriptures consistently teach that the hidden thoughts in our hearts are inextricably linked to our outward behaviors and how we treat others. The link between inner feelings of hate and the murder of another human being is too close for comfort. Thus, in the Old Testament, jealous Cain killed his only brother. And in the New Testament, Jesus taught the religious leaders that those who thought about hatred committed murder in their hearts. Ultimately, then, we have a major heart problem. And how are we instructed to address heart issues? Through confession.

When we are silent, therefore, we allow an inner heart problem to become an outward disaster.

Our silence on issues of race is what allows racism to continue. Because we are so uncomfortable with the term, we ignore it altogether. Racial prejudice that leads to the murder of policemen merely becomes “lawlessness” in our vocabulary. And the manslaughters of two black men at the hands of white officers is never spoken.

In our attempts for comfort, we create an in-group by surrounding ourselves with others who resemble us. If you looked around our church community during the second service on Sunday, you could count on one hand the number of colored faces. All others were white. We can then make excuses as pastors, saying that we care for the needs of our people. And as white, middle-class Americans, we care about others like us. We more easily relate to the police officers, because they have jobs like we do; it hits closer to home. But we do not connect with a black man in Louisiana, who had a prior record. And we can turn a blind eye to the black man in Minnesota, because he’s just different enough from us that we do not have to feel his pain or loss. Thus, praying for our police brothers while ignoring our black brothers becomes justified.

For the majority of our church, I presume, people felt the tragedy of the police officers’ deaths and paid little attention to the tragedies of Alton Sterling’s and Philando Castile’s deaths. If my presumption is true, then we as a community are wrong and demonstrate a lack of compassion.

We are ignoring the needs and injustice against an entire population within our nation. We are allowing for the cries of our black brothers and sisters to go unheard, because we do not care enough to listen—because we can look out in our congregation and see no black sibling, whose burdens we must help to bear.

If any black neighbors were to step foot into our doors, and if they had the courage to give up their personal cultural preferences in order to worship with us, they would learn that we do not care for their weights and burdens. They would learn that we shake their hands, but do not listen to their stories. They would infer that we are a church that would not keep their best interests in mind; that we do not care about the things they care about. And they would gather, rightly, that they are not truly welcome; for when they enter our gatherings, they must leave their blackness at the door. All this, because of our silence. Our silence teaches more to our black friends than anything else we say.

And what about our white members? What we teach in our services, we encourage our people to live out in their ordinary lives. Thus, as we remain silent in leadership, we teach them that they, too, can remain silent. Rather than engage courageous conversations on race, they can ignore them altogether. Rather than listen to the plights of black friends, they can think people of color are crazy for saying racism still exists. They can continue in their small groups and circles of people who look, think, and act the same way they do, never being challenged to broaden their perspective by learning from people who are different.

But imagine what could happen if we truly became like Christ and cared for the marginalized in our community. What if we proactively engaged the divisive current ripping through our country? Perhaps we could go to a black church in our city, asking them how we can embrace them as our brothers and sisters. We could ask them how they’d like us to use our voices and our influence on their behalf. We could plan times to worship together and invite others to join in. We could represent the incarnation of Christ by entering into hard conversations and leaning into the pain of our friends instead of running from it. Perhaps, we could then join with ______ and ______ as they minister to officers as chaplains. As a black and white church together, we could seek to serve our police officers. We could share stories of brokenness and how Christ has brought healing. Perhaps our church would even begin to look more like our city with 90% Caucasian and 10% a beautiful array of diverse ethnicities.

If we learn to start speaking openly about race and other tensions that plague our inner hearts, I believe that we will experience greater theosis in our local congregation as our worshipping community transforms even more into the likeness of our Savior. If we refuse to engage these issues, however, I believe we will miss out on Christ’s power without even knowing it; for our church community will never know the difference, but our black and colored brothers and sisters will be left to fight the battle alone. In the very least, can’t we at least pray for them?


Dwelling in Him,
Starla J. Gooch


P.S. If you have not watched the videos of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile being shot, I encourage you to do so—despite the graphic nature. It is vital for us to know why these manslaughters are causing so many significant waves across our nation and for us to genuinely grieve for their lives alongside our black brothers and sisters. I don’t know how we could see these men die with our own eyes and not talk about it.

Here are links where you can watch the videos:
Alton Sterling: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/07/06/new-video-shows-alton-sterling-was-not-holding-a-gun-when-baton-rogue-police-killed-him.html

Philando Castile: http://heavy.com/news/2016/07/philando-castile-falcon-heights-minnesota-police-shooting-facebook-live-video-watch-uncensored-you-tube-police-shooting-man-shot-lavish-reynolds/

Vision For A Thriving Community

The Christian Church’s influence on American society diminishes daily, and as a twentysomething Millennial, I quite personally feel its effects. Though many Boomers still fight ardently for “conservative values”, and I absolutely believe we need to encourage and empower more disciples of Christ to enter into politics and law-making, many of the battles we choose seem futile to me. I have embraced the fact that we no longer live in a Christian culture. The values and belief system I hold exist in tension with the world around me. I speak, think, behave, and interact quite differently from the majority of my peers. And I’m actually really okay with that, because if I’m going to live as if I’m from another world, I’d rather people notice.

I wish more churches and spiritual leaders would embrace the fact that Christendom has passed. Maybe then we could begin to focus less on the number of people walking through our church doors and more on the quality of Christ-followers we’re sending out from our community into the world. I’m excited to see more literature being written that emphasizes the need for mature discipleship, but I still worry that churches will respond by simply creating more programs.

For thirteen months, I experienced the honor of serving as the discipleship pastor in a local church. After overseeing the academics for a nine-month residential discipleship program for young adults, I learned two important lessons:
1) Programs do not work well.
2) Listening to God does!

In the first semester, I labored intensively to rewrite all of our academic guidelines. I created syllabi, prepared lessons, taught fervently, and graded papers diligently. But even with all of my effort, the impact on my students’ lives remained minimal. Why? Because my primary relationship with them stayed at a teacher-student status, and no one was succeeding. Very few of my students exhibited proficiency in their academics. And out of those who performed well, some displayed significant character issues. What good would it do if my students learned to read the Bible correctly, but they never allowed the information to transform them?

So for the second semester, I decided to change things up. I set aside two hours each week to meet with students one on one. During each hour, I got to know one of my students personally. It’s amazing how deeply you can get to know someone when you purposefully spend one hour listening to them share from their heart. (I also learned a major transgression for pastors: running out of tissues in your office!)

Choosing to spend time with my students individually drastically increased the impact of the ministry. Why? Because as I listened, I received the opportunity to truly know each one of them, and while doing so, I diligently sought to hear from God on their behalf. Though I initially sat aside only two hours in order to guard my time, I soon did so to guard my energy. I quickly discovered how much more work goes into an hour of listening well than an hour of lecturing. Self-control proved trying when I had to choose patience and compassion over defensiveness with an angry student, and when my flesh wanted to tell them blatant truths, but God’s Spirit subtly warned me to hold my tongue. Though difficult, the intentionality that it took to listen to the voice of God was worth it every time.

I believe that the greatest need in our churches is mature believers who hear and respond to the voice of God. In Hebrew, the verb for obey quite literally means “to listen.” It carries the idea that as we listen to God’s voice, our hearing demands response. If we do not obey, we have not truly heard.

Imagine with me a community of Christ-followers who actively hear and obey the voice of the Lord in everyday life. A community in which you and I participate. Compassion for the broken and the lost come naturally. We become people who embrace the tension of grace and truth. We address problems boldly, but in timely manners. We speak life into dead souls and spirits. We call forth potential and hope in individuals and communities. We cast visions of redemption. We know the mind of Christ, because He regularly reveals hidden truths to our hearts. The Spirit speaks through our mouths and lives to engage those who need to experience the living God. We are a community that brings healing to all who choose to participate, because the Holy Spirit moves freely through His willing vessels. Broken lives are made whole and new.

This is the Kingdom that Jesus came to bring. It’s not just a romanticized dream of idealism. No, this is the message of the gospel. This is why Jesus called it good news! Such a life and community is fully accessible to us now.

So will you choose to participate with me? I’ll warn you: it will cost you much. Your pride must go. You must be willing to submit your mind, heart, spirit, and body to the lordship of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. But in return, we will all gain more than we could ever dream.

Maybe, just maybe, if we become people who attune our hearts to hear the voice of God, we won’t have the problem of a diminishing Church. I’d even take the risk to declare it thriving.

My Confession

I write today with a broken heart. But it’s a good brokenness. The kind where God has to break something which seems whole in order to refashion it to be like Him.

I don’t know the way God works in your life, but in mine it’s all about seasons. For one season, he’ll give me extra joy, contentment, fullness, and grace. But soon, He leads me through times of sorrow, inadequacy, lack, and utter dependency. The ironic part about God’s seasons is that during most there is both harvest and pruning, sowing and reaping. While I’m experiencing the abundant fruit of the last season, He’s planting and pruning areas for the next.

So what season is this? It’s one of deep pruning. Within the last few months, I’ve experienced a lot of life. From the loss of my grandfather, leaving my job, going on a missions trip, moving to a new state, leaving my entire community of family and friends, and starting school, it seems that there have been transitions in every part of my life. I’ve spent a lot of time facing the truth of my own heart and dealing with the ugliness. During a time of abundance, it’s hard to see the weeds and the seeds that were choked out underneath the surface, but as my life has been stripped down, God has been revealing the barrenness.

So here’s my confession:

I’m a perfectionist. I’ve built my whole life and self-worth on performance, the things that I do well. The good part about this is that I love to grow. I love to be a part of always making things better than they are now. And because of this drive, I’ve experienced lots of “success” and really exciting accomplishments. Spiritually speaking, I most love the change and growth that comes from seeing a broken life made new. There’s nothing quite as exciting as healing from pain and depravity, seeing transformation to wholeness in a person’s life. Since I love this process, this is the most important goal that I’m driven to pursue: life change.

But here’s the problem. Building my life on accomplishment is a big house with a weak foundation. No matter how tall it gets, it’s always susceptible to crumbling down. Finding my value in what I do well keeps me from finding my value in Christ. I have a hard time accepting that I have intrinsic worth, regardless of my productivity, because I am created in the image of our most incredible God.

And here’s what it looks like in real life:

When I mess up, I’m devastated. Problems that I can’t fix depress me. I have a hard time accepting that which I have no control over. Mistakes are crushing, even when they’re slight. I have a tendency to take too much responsibility for things that aren’t mine to take, which undermines those around me. Because I’m not okay with my own weaknesses, this can cause me to have a hard time feeling compassion for other’s shortcomings. I start to think that the reason I can do things well is because of my own hard work, which leads me to put a heavy weight on those around me to work harder for what they want. But that doesn’t work. This only creates legalism, which may look good on the outside but is devastating to the heart.

So God’s been taking me through a hard process. He’s stripping away my confidence in the areas where I’ve found my identity. He’s reminding me that they’re gifts He gave me, but they’re not who I am. What if I couldn’t communicate well? What if I had really poor social skills? What if I was unable to work? Does this mean that I have no value? As St. Paul would say, “Absolutely not!”

I can just imagine Jesus standing with me in the middle of an incredible view of nature. As we would look around at the trees, birds, grass, hills, sun, flowers, clouds, and all else, he would point to them and tell me what God does to carefully provide for each one. Then he would look at me and say,

“Starla, all of these are important to me. After all, I created them, provide for them, and enjoy them! But even as much as I care for each, you’re set apart from the rest because I created you to be like me. You’re the only one that I view as a mirror to see my own reflection. So how much more valuable are you? And yet I require nothing from you. I only desire a relationship. I just want you.”

I’m having a hard time accepting that. I have a hard time with the fact that I would be just as valuable to God if I were in a hospital bed having no cognitive function as I am when a pastor or seminary student, working in a church and contributing as much as I can. The gifts He’s given me were meant to be a joy, not a burden. They’re an invitation rather than a requirement.

So what does all this mean? I don’t know yet. But what I’m hearing the most is God saying, “Just be.” I’m trying to let go of the pressure to create certain results, choosing instead to listen for God when He says, “I love you regardless.”

Searching for a Mentor

A few summers ago, I found myself sitting on a rock in a creek with a journal in my hand. I was part of leading a discipleship program for junior high and high schoolers and we all had one task: write about what you want from God this year. So what was I asking God for? A mentor.

Mentoring was not something that I alone wanted. I’ve heard this same request from many college students and young adults. At the time, I found this search for a mentor pretty tricky. Not only is finding a mentor difficult, but as a young woman going into ministry I found it particularly challenging for a number of reasons. 1) Finding a senior pastor who is willing to let you hang out with them as they go about particular tasks is tricky. Especially since many things a pastor does are very personal and confidential, such as prayer time with God or counseling a married couple. 2) As a woman, it’s hard to navigate the boundaries of being with a mentor who is most likely a man. So I probably needed a woman. But 3) there are not very many woman senior pastors. So how should I find one?

During this time in my life, I was resolved that it was the mentor’s job to open themselves up to a mentee. But I wasn’t around anyone offering this kind of relationship. Then I realized that I did in fact have a mentor, a woman who had been mentoring me my whole life: my mother. Was she a senior pastor of a church? Nope. But she was (and is) a phenomenal woman of God who taught me what it means to follow Jesus and grow into a whole and healthy person. (Plus, the fact that she’s a licensed and practicing therapist has taught me A LOT!!!) I’ve never found the exact kind of mentoring relationship I was originally looking for, but God did provide several other relationships with incredible leaders who have mentored me in the last few years, including my pastors of Lighthouse Assembly of God in Marion, IN, Jerry and Paula Gallaway, and the incredible men I had the opportunity to work for at Indiana Wesleyan in the Dean of the Chapel office, Rev. Dr. Jim “Umfundisi” Lo and Rev. Dr. Pat Hannon. These four individuals taught me exponentially about life, leadership, and ministry during my senior year of college. And, even though they’re all busy, have opened the door to me so that I can contact them any time. I treasure them in my heart, and am sure that they will continue to hear from me as I continue to journey through ministry.

Now, in the past year or so, I’m noticing a shift in my life and relationships: instead of only being the one seeking a mentor, I now find myself mentoring others. This is the perfect sign of growth and health: using what God has given me to invest in others. This has also given me another perspective on mentoring, which is the point of this blog entry. I want to share some nuggets on what I’ve learned from mentoring relationships as both the mentee and the mentor. So wherever you are at in your journey, I hope you can take something from this.

1) Finding a Mentoring Relationship

When I was looking for a mentor, I got really frustrated, because I was convinced that it was the job of the mentor to open herself up to the mentee. Then when I found myself on the mentoring side of things, I discovered that I was assuming it was the mentee’s job to ask me for mentoring. So here’s what I discovered: no matter my position, I was always expecting someone else to take the initiative, which means that most likely, everyone else probably assumed the same thing. So here’s my conclusion: if you recognize a potential mentor or mentee, make the first move. DON’T WAIT FOR THE OTHER PERSON.

  • Mentees: If you find someone that you’d like to mentor you, ask them. They may know you well or not at all, so I understand it may be intimidating to all of the sudden come out at ask them to mentor you. Instead, ask them for an appointment. Ask them for 30 minutes to an hour of their time, and tell them you’ll bring coffee. Or, if they’re not local, just ask if you can call them for about 10 minutes, and ask when they’re most available. Most people will shy away if you ask them to mentor you because they won’t feel adequate, but if you just ask them if it’s okay to get together sometime, they’ll be more open. They’ll be mentoring you whether they know it or not!
  • Mentors: I was once having a conversation with a young man and told him that he should find a mentor. A few weeks later, I let him know I was willing to mentor him since he was interested in areas within my expertise. His response? “I was waiting for you to ask.” As a leader, I should constantly be looking out for others whom I can teach to replace me. When I find a potential person, I don’t have to do all the work. Instead, simply saying, “Hey, if you ever need anything, feel free to stop by my office, call, or email me,” let’s them know I’m available and want to build a relationship with them. After that, it’s in the mentee’s hands, but when the time’s right, they know they can come to me. Some people will act immediately, while others may wait a few months until they feel that they need something. But eventually, you’ll find yourself surrounded by those who want to be invested in.

2) Who Do I Look For?

Sometimes we know we want a mentor or a mentee, but don’t even know where to start. Wherever you’re at, be intentionally observant about each person you interact with and see if they have the following characteristics.

  • Mentees: When looking for a mentor, pay attention to people who make you stop and think, “When I grow up, I want to be like them.” They should be a person you trust, who you think will take time to listen when needed, but also will answer questions when you ask. (And here’s a note, take the time to prepare questions and ask good ones!) They should be a person that makes you say, “If I were just half the person they are, I’d be thrilled!”
  • Mentors: Look for people who have qualities that remind you of you. They may be complete opposites of you in many ways, but in certain areas you understand how they think or why they want what they do. For me, I see myself in many different people: the intellectually astute, the emotionally sensitive, the spiritually hungry, etc. Most people have entirely different backgrounds than me–like the young man who has been to jail multiple times and used to have a drug problem–but where it counts, our hearts are similar.

3) Age doesn’t matter

I’m only 23 years old, but have found myself in relationships where people more than twice my age say they’ve learned from something I’ve said or done. And on the other side, I’ve also found myself learning from the simple faith of a child. When it comes to growth, age does not equal maturity. We witness this all of the time in church when in a matter of months the new, passionate Christian surpasses the one who’s been going to church their entire life. Maturity comes to those who are willing and eager to grow and learn–to those who are teachable. So this works on both ends. The mentor and mentee alike MUST be teachable. When they’re both learning, age doesn’t matter.

4) Use Wisdom and Discernment, But Don’t Discriminate By Gender

For a very long time, I only looked for mentors who were female. I put so much emphasis on creating proper boundaries, that I worried about having a male mentor. While this is justified to a certain extent, the majority of people who have mentored me are men. Did I plan this? No. But they were the people God put in my life during important seasons who listened and shared wisdom that directed my decisions. Just because boundaries can be tricky doesn’t mean we should neglect relationships because of them. God put His image in males and females, which means that no one can share His image by himself or herself. We need each other. Now, there are certainly situations that should be avoided, but there are also plenty of opportunities that are perfectly acceptable and productive. Don’t miss out on what someone has to offer merely because their gender doesn’t match your ideal.

I’ve noticed this trend not only while looking for a mentor, but also while mentoring. One of the surprises I came across this year was how many young men God put in my life to teach. On several instances I found myself in a restaurant or group surrounded by young men as we discussed spiritual issues. The biggest takeaway for a mentoring relationship with someone of another gender is this: when in doubt, add someone else. If a situation is coming up where you may feel uncomfortable one-on-one, ask a friend to join your meeting. The more the merrier!

5) How Do I Mentor?

There can be a lot of pressure when it comes to being someone’s mentor, but mentoring does not have to be a big ordeal. So here are some guidelines for both mentors and mentees:

  1. Ask Questions. Mentoring is about going through life together. Some relationships will be more personal and closer than others, but make sure you’re being intentional by asking questions. Ask about the other person’s life. Ask how they’re doing. Ask questions about something you’re interested in or want to learn about. Just get started, and be intentional about your conversations. Before planned meetings, think about and prepare good questions to help direct the conversation.
  2. LISTEN! When you ask a question, make sure you’re taking the time to listen to their answer. Be intently engaged in the conversation. Also keep in mind that not all people are good at articulating their thoughts. So make sure you’re listening not only to what they’re actually saying, but also what they’re TRYING to say. When you listen well, you’ll pay attention to body language, tone, and the Holy Spirit, and you’ll probably hear things that the person did not even realize they were saying.
  3. Be intentional. One of the most important things to do in order to have a productive mentoring relationship is to be intentional. This doesn’t mean spending every waking moment together. Rather, it means planning and preparation. Plan time together, write down questions when you’re going throughout your day that you want their insight on, sit down and write an email, send a purposeful text message of encouragement (but never send a text that just says “hey” or “what’s up”–that’s just a waste of time! Honestly, most texts like that just seem pointless to me so I don’t even respond. This communicates to me that you’re bored and have nothing better to do. If you don’t have a purpose with your text, I’m not going to work to create purpose out of it.). You don’t need a lot of time to be in a mentoring relationship, you simply need to be willing and let the other person know when and how you’re accessible. Maybe it’s only for 15 minutes a month, but if you’re intentional with that time, it’ll still be incredibly beneficial for both.

Well, there are a handful of things I’ve learned about mentoring. Obviously, this is something I’ve thought about a lot, but why is it so important? I’ll leave that to one of my favorite Bible verses to answer:

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17)

We live in a culture where relationships are broad and shallow, but it’s through relationships that God wants to grow us as people. Therefore, I am committed to having intentional relationships where I’m both sharpening others and being sharpened. I hope you choose this commitment, too. I promise you that it’s worth it!

For You Readers Out There

It’s crazy to believe that it’s been almost a year since I graduated from college. That’s seriously nuts! But anyways, after I graduated and no longer had hundreds of required pages to read each semester, I realized that I actually had time to read stuff that I was able to choose for myself. I then set a goal to read at least 2 books a month, which I plan to continue for as long as I can. That being said, with all the major magazines posting their own “To-Read” books from 2012, I thought I’d make my own list. So here we go. Here are the top ten books I’ve read in the past year that I recommend to all of you:

10. The Life You’ve Always Wanted: Spiritual Disciplines for Ordinary People by John Ortberg 

  • This is a great devotional read. Ortberg is great at taking biblical, historical, and theological insights and communicating them simply for all readers to understand. 

9. Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream by David Platt

  • Platt is a strong biblical scholar and doesn’t water anything down for the sake of comfort. So read this book, but beware! It’s because of this that I’m going on a mission’s trip this summer!

8. Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity by Lauren Winner

  • There are a lot of books about sex, Christianity, singleness, dating, marriage, and anything that you can think of to go with those topics, but not many engage the topic of sexuality from a strong theological perspective. But Winner does just that in an approachable and relatable style. This is my #1 recommended read on the topic of sexuality, particularly for those struggling with how to be Christian and single.

7. Michael Vey: The Prisoner of Cell 25 (Book 1) by Richard Paul Evans

  • Sometimes I seem to forget that fictional books still exist, but thanks to my sister who’s a teacher and Richard Paul Evans fan, I came across this one to mix things up a little bit. This is a simple read for young adults, but deals with real life issues such as physical disabilities and bullying….oh, and super powers! Now I just need to get Book 2.

6. Communicating for a Change: Seven Keys to Irresistible Communication by Andy Stanley and Lane Jones

  • In the past year, I’ve become quite an Andy Stanley fan (which you can see by the fact that there are two Stanley books on this list; and if I make a list next year for 2013, I’m sure Deep and Wide will be on it). This is a must read for any growing preacher. Whether you agree with his method or not, it will certainly challenge you on your view of preaching and how you go about it.

5. The Holiness of God by R.C. Sproul

  • My only regret about this book is that I read it too fast. I wish I had gone slower and let each chapter sink in. I think one of the most significant issues with American Christianity today is that we ignore the holiness of God and our call to be like Him. This is a boost and a challenge for every Christian as it forces you to consider how mild you may view our HOLY God.

4. Next Generation Leader: Five Essentials for Those Who Will Shape the Future by Andy Stanley

  • This is one of those books that I’m not joking when I say every young leader should read, or at least skim. In the past few months, it has significantly impacted my personal approach to leadership and ministry. It’s an easy read, but powerful nonetheless. 

3. It: How Churches and Leaders Can Get It and Keep It by Craig Groeschel

  • We can’t quite describe “it”, but we know when churches have “it” and we definitely know when they don’t. Groeschel digs into that x-factor in churches that differentiates the growing church from the dying one. This was a read that highly impacted me personally, caused me to think outside the box, and left me with dreams for what God can do through me and the ministry I’m leading. It’s particularly inspiring for those discouraged or stuck in a rut.

2. The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis

  • After about two years, I finally got the chance to finish this book. Sad that it took me so long, but dude, so worth it! You can’t go wrong with Lewis. And this book really messes with you. There’s now no forgetting about the enemy we each face every day in spiritual warfare. 

1. A Tale of Three Kings: A Study in Brokenness by Gene Edwards

  • This book gets my number one slot of recommendation because it’s a book that EVERY Christian should read. Have you ever struggled with authority? Wondering what you should do? When should you submit? When should you fight? Edwards takes readers through the life of David and the decisions he had to make when faced with life and death situations in leadership. This is a book on my shelf that I should probably read over and over throughout my years.

Well, that’s my list! Though I do have one honorable mention:

Engage: A Guide to Creating Life-Transforming Worship Services by Nelson Searcy, Jason Hatley, and Jennifer Dykes Henson. I had to mention this one because it helped me ask some good questions when I started a young adult ministry back in June. If anyone is at the beginnings of a ministry with a regular worship service, this might be a good book to read!

So for those of you who enjoy reading and are looking for a good book, you now know my suggestions. And if you do decide to read one, let me know, because I also love book discussions!

Why I Do What I Do

It’s been a hard week. You know those weeks. The kind when one minute, you’re at your job, loving it, and think, “This is why I do what I do!” Then the next minute, something happens that causes you to not only retract your last sentiment, but then think, “Is there any way I can get out of this?”

My life in the ministry so far has looked a lot like this. There are things that I love about working at a church and committing my life to knowing Christ and making Him known. However, like many jobs, it’s one where you have to deal with people A LOT. But you’re not just dealing with people, no. See, I worked with people doing customer assistance for over five years, and although it was frustrating at times, it wasn’t a big deal. Because while working to assist customers, the customer is always right–even if they happen to be very wrong. In ministry, the job is not dealing with customers. It’s dealing with fallen human beings who are created in the image of God, and instead of selling a product, our job is to help them become more like God. What a tricky and impossible task. But this task is made all-the-more impossible by the fact that I am one of those people.

I’m a fallen human being, just like everybody else. The first inclination of my heart is not to wake up every morning and thank God for being alive. And it’s not to set a chunk of time aside every day to pray. Nor do I naturally desire to read an ancient text of literature for fifteen minutes every day, while I study specific sections for hours on end every week so that I can help others to understand it. There are times when each of these things and all that I know I should be doing seems totally unappealing and unnecessary. As much as I believe in prayer, Bible study, fasting, and tithing, that doesn’t mean that I always feel like doing them. And it doesn’t mean that I always do them even when I don’t feel like it, even though I know I should. In fact, it’s been a few weeks since I wrote in my prayer journal, I’m about three months behind in my one year Bible, I can’t remember the last time I fasted for a whole day, and I’ve got a little bit of a backorder on tithe. (I better stop and fix my tithe situation right now before I continue writing. . . . Okay, now we’re good. Thank the Lord for online giving!)

I think all of this is probably the hardest part of pastoring: knowing that I’m supposed to be leading other people in spiritual transformation when I still have so much farther to go myself. I’m a perfectionist, which means I believe in excellence, so I don’t like failing. And what is failing? In Starla terms, failing often means missing excellence, when I can think of so many ways that I could have done something better. The worse failures I make are when I missed my set goal and someone ends up getting hurt in the process. As a leader, I hate hurting and letting down the people whom I’m serving. And in these kinds of failures, that’s when I have to ask, “Why do I do what I do?”

I’ve asked this kind of question a lot this week. Then tonight, I had to ask God to help me let go of the things I obsess over that I want to improve. Shortly after this prayer, out of nowhere I received a text from a friend, who knows nothing of my situation, saying that she was praying for me and to keep faith.

A little over a year ago, I started keeping a digital photo album on my computer with all of the comments, emails, pictures, tweets, etc. that have encouraged me personally. I currently have 99 notes in that album, along with a plethora of saved text messages that remind exactly why I do what I do. I do what I do because God called me to do it. Because success in God’s eyes is measured in nothing but faithfulness. When it comes down to it, I often get my job confused with God’s. It’s His job to equip, empower, and send me out. My job is much more simple. My job is to let God do His.

Why do I do what I do? Because God’s doing what He does. And I’m letting Him.